Oh well, thats how the cookie crumbles some times

He hasn't called or come over. I thought that he might since Josh called him to come play HALO. But he didn't. I guess there is something more to it that I don't know. I was thinking about calling him and asking if he wanted to go to a movie, but I don't think so. I don't want to push anything that doesn't exist or make him feel uncomfortable and since I don't rank up there with the hot girls that he so longs to be with I might as well forget about it. Oh well, thats how it goes sometimes.

I think I mentioned this before. I may have found a job, something to keep me occupied for the time being anyways. I went to the Children's Courtyard today, I used to work there, and they told me that the Lamar center was hiring and to call them and see. Well they are hiring a big floor manager which is right below assistant director and Cindy thinks that I would do well at that and is going to recommend me. Plus they need someone with a CDL and since I have one I may be set. I'm supposed to go over there tomorrow to meet the afterschool manager and see the bus route and meet the kids. Maybe that will pan out and I will have money for a while. Atleast enough to get a new car since I need one really bad, with mine leakind oil like no other.

I did pretty well at HALO today, it was fun, even without the boy. UGH! I need to get over this!

I'm going to go and get another pap smear tomorrow and more birth control, hopefully this one will come back clear and there will be nothing wrong with me. I would really hate to lose the ability to have children, especially now. I have always wanted to have kids of my own.

I hate the fact that lately I have been having this pitty party for myself. Its feel as if I will never meet a guy and never settle down. Almost like it isn't meant to be for me. I have always felt that way though. Kinda like there just wasn't someone out there for me. If thats what is supposed to happen then I guess it will, but come on God, you could let me know some how.

The new shoes are fun. I'll probably wear them tomorrow. I need to do laundry so that I have something to wear. So I guess that mean I'm out.

Later.

Well Shit

Ugh, so the butthead hasn't called or come over. So I'm just a tad bit pissed off. My brother called him a minute ago so he may be coming over, but it isn't to see me, damn it. Aw well, I suppose it is time to get over it now.

Got some new shoes today. White diesels, they are awesome.

My sister is here to stay for a bit, until the water gets fixed at her house. So more of my nephew. YAY!!!

Going now!

What Have I Done

The big thing in my life right now is this boy. I have known him for about six years, a little longer, but close enough. I don't know why, but lately I have had a thing for him. He was not my type in high school and he is younger than me. See when I first met him I thought that he was a huge dork. I still occassionally think that about him. But he has grown on me. How do boys do that? Well I sorta went on a date with him on Sunday, he called it a date, atleast when I asked him if he wanted to go he did. On Monday we made out and I had sex with him. He hasn't come over or called since. This wouldn't seem like such a strange thing if it wasn't for that fact that he has a tendency to come over every day. So I'm beginning to see this as a I got used situation. It is possible that he is embarrasses and not sure what he is supposed to do, but I don't think so. It would suck to have been used, but I could deal with it if he came over and acted normal again. Though I suppose that his absence could be an indicator of deeper feelings than I suspected. I did tell him a while ago that I am a very jealous person. Unfortunately I like the guy, and he doesn't date ppl so that sucks. Who knows.

New Subject:
I still haven't gotten a job. I am working on it though. I have to fill out an application for the city of Arlington for Crisis Team Counselor and Police Officer. The job thing is even more important since Bush was re-elected. Bastard! Oh well, I'm hoping that it won't be as bad as I anticipate. I ordered transcripts for my carrollton application and for my ECAP application. So maybe something will come of those two things, doubtful.

I got two new fleece jackets today, I really needed them. I got a light blue one and a red one. They are soooo cute and soft. Josh and I went to the mall. It was nice because no one was there.

My sister and I went to my grandmother's house because my cousin Heather came into town. I haven't seen her for about two years. She brought her kids and they are so cute. Her son isn't very old and he is a darling. Her daughter, Alexa, looks like I did when I was her age.

Mom and Dad should be in Africa by now, but I haven't heard anything from them. I'm sure that I will soon though. Anyway, I'm going to work on applications now. I'll try to write tomorrow.