Oh well, thats how the cookie crumbles some times

He hasn't called or come over. I thought that he might since Josh called him to come play HALO. But he didn't. I guess there is something more to it that I don't know. I was thinking about calling him and asking if he wanted to go to a movie, but I don't think so. I don't want to push anything that doesn't exist or make him feel uncomfortable and since I don't rank up there with the hot girls that he so longs to be with I might as well forget about it. Oh well, thats how it goes sometimes.

I think I mentioned this before. I may have found a job, something to keep me occupied for the time being anyways. I went to the Children's Courtyard today, I used to work there, and they told me that the Lamar center was hiring and to call them and see. Well they are hiring a big floor manager which is right below assistant director and Cindy thinks that I would do well at that and is going to recommend me. Plus they need someone with a CDL and since I have one I may be set. I'm supposed to go over there tomorrow to meet the afterschool manager and see the bus route and meet the kids. Maybe that will pan out and I will have money for a while. Atleast enough to get a new car since I need one really bad, with mine leakind oil like no other.

I did pretty well at HALO today, it was fun, even without the boy. UGH! I need to get over this!

I'm going to go and get another pap smear tomorrow and more birth control, hopefully this one will come back clear and there will be nothing wrong with me. I would really hate to lose the ability to have children, especially now. I have always wanted to have kids of my own.

I hate the fact that lately I have been having this pitty party for myself. Its feel as if I will never meet a guy and never settle down. Almost like it isn't meant to be for me. I have always felt that way though. Kinda like there just wasn't someone out there for me. If thats what is supposed to happen then I guess it will, but come on God, you could let me know some how.

The new shoes are fun. I'll probably wear them tomorrow. I need to do laundry so that I have something to wear. So I guess that mean I'm out.

Later.

Well Shit

Ugh, so the butthead hasn't called or come over. So I'm just a tad bit pissed off. My brother called him a minute ago so he may be coming over, but it isn't to see me, damn it. Aw well, I suppose it is time to get over it now.

Got some new shoes today. White diesels, they are awesome.

My sister is here to stay for a bit, until the water gets fixed at her house. So more of my nephew. YAY!!!

Going now!

What Have I Done

The big thing in my life right now is this boy. I have known him for about six years, a little longer, but close enough. I don't know why, but lately I have had a thing for him. He was not my type in high school and he is younger than me. See when I first met him I thought that he was a huge dork. I still occassionally think that about him. But he has grown on me. How do boys do that? Well I sorta went on a date with him on Sunday, he called it a date, atleast when I asked him if he wanted to go he did. On Monday we made out and I had sex with him. He hasn't come over or called since. This wouldn't seem like such a strange thing if it wasn't for that fact that he has a tendency to come over every day. So I'm beginning to see this as a I got used situation. It is possible that he is embarrasses and not sure what he is supposed to do, but I don't think so. It would suck to have been used, but I could deal with it if he came over and acted normal again. Though I suppose that his absence could be an indicator of deeper feelings than I suspected. I did tell him a while ago that I am a very jealous person. Unfortunately I like the guy, and he doesn't date ppl so that sucks. Who knows.

New Subject:
I still haven't gotten a job. I am working on it though. I have to fill out an application for the city of Arlington for Crisis Team Counselor and Police Officer. The job thing is even more important since Bush was re-elected. Bastard! Oh well, I'm hoping that it won't be as bad as I anticipate. I ordered transcripts for my carrollton application and for my ECAP application. So maybe something will come of those two things, doubtful.

I got two new fleece jackets today, I really needed them. I got a light blue one and a red one. They are soooo cute and soft. Josh and I went to the mall. It was nice because no one was there.

My sister and I went to my grandmother's house because my cousin Heather came into town. I haven't seen her for about two years. She brought her kids and they are so cute. Her son isn't very old and he is a darling. Her daughter, Alexa, looks like I did when I was her age.

Mom and Dad should be in Africa by now, but I haven't heard anything from them. I'm sure that I will soon though. Anyway, I'm going to work on applications now. I'll try to write tomorrow.

Dumb Brothers

My entire life my parents have favored my brothers. Those two can do no wrong. It pisses me off. Its probably how my sister feels about all three of us younger kids. Oh well. I'll write more later.

UGH! That Is My Favorite Title

So today has not been very fun. I have had to paint all day. My Dad and I are remodeling my room and I have had to paint all of the beaded board. I haven't taken a shower all day either, what would be the point anyways? I would just get paint all over me.

I know I have talked about David, well the fucker called me today and left me a message that said, "hey it me, David (not shit like I didn't know), I just wanted to tell you not to call me during the day anymore because I have a $300 phone bill." Well, I knew he hadn't talked to me that much, so I wanted to know who the fuck he was talking to, so I checked his online bill. There was a number that repeated a lot, so I called it and a girl answered. I hung up, of course. Now I'm pissed about that. I wouldn't care if he had a girlfriend, thats great for him, the deal is that he has been calling me and accusing me of dating someone or liking someone and he also said I don't love him anymore. Well not after today I don't. I knew the most obvious sign of a guilty conscience was jealousy and accusations of the the action, but did I pay attention to any of that? NO! To bad I know now so he can kiss my big ass.

Anyways, I'm tired of the All My Children Baby Switch story line! Give Bianca her baby back please! Thats the only reason I watch the damn show, I'm so tired of the other story lines. But you know, the guy who plays Jamie Martin is HOT! He can come live with me. The Ethan guy is hot as well. As if there are any ugly guys on soap operas.

I'm going to start training for my physical agility test for the Carrollton PD tomorrow. I have to start running so that I will be ready for it when it happens. I don't think I'll have any problems with the written exam. Its a general knowledge exam.

Some of my buds just signed on so i'll write more later.

Bush Is Such A Dumbass

As I sat and watched the debate tonight I couldn't help but think how stupid George Bush looked at the podium. When the cameras had to zoom in more so that the height advantage of Kerry was neutralized to appease Bush, I just thought that was sad. Bush couldn't even answer a single question, all he could do was address what he thinks are John Kerry's faults, even though Bush is just as guilty of the same charges he is accusing Kerry of. Ugh, my brother is home so I can't finish this. I will write more tomorrow.

Well Today

Today has been very interesting. I cleaned out most of my room so that we can remodel it. We are going to put beaded board on all the walls. I have to paint the ceiling tomorrow. That should be a whole lot of fun. I'm typing this on jake's computer and his keyboard is all messed up. So I think I will finish this later. Sorry.

So This Is ME

Alright, so this is my first blog. I had an online diary but my ex knows when I write in that and its a real pain in the ass because he'll call me and bitch at me for writing in it. I'll probably write a lot about my ex, David, because he is still a big part of my life. I still love the guy, even though I shouldn't. As a matter of fact, yesterday he checked my email, again, and bitched at me because I sent my resume to a Member of Parliament in Britain. I think it would be cool to work over there. So I changed my password, we'll see how he likes that, I'll probably get a call soon about it. He'll as me who I get emails from that I don't want him to see, well how about this, I don't get any that I don't want him to see, I just want to keep my damn emails private, thats why there is a thing called a password. David and I have been broken up since the last weekend in May, I don't know the date, it didn't matter that much to me. Apparently he was thinking about getting back with me when I got my second tattoo, a small one on my left big toe. It is seriously like the size of a nickel. Its the block ATM, I figured what the hell I'm graduating from there anyways.

That leads me to another important event in my life. I graduated from Texas A&M on August 13. Damn I'm happy to be out of school. I received a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Sociology. If you don't know what sociology the most basic definition that I can think of that will make any sense is that sociology is the study of society, social groups, and human interaction. Thats the cut and dry definition. So since I'm have graduated I'm looking for a job. I sent in eight different applications to the state for child protective services positions and I didn't hear anything back from them, so fuck them. I did get a letter from the census bureau that said I was eligible, it will be a little while before I get anything else though. Hopefully whatever else I get from them will be good. Monday I applied for a job with the FBI to be some of assistant clerk, basically assistant secretary. That would be a good start with a government agency. My parents and my sister work for the gov't and they said that a foot in the door is good. So I'll take just about anything from the gov't right now because I just want some insurance and money. I want to buy a new car (chevy avalanche preferably). I would love to work for the FBI, it could be a way to become an agent. I don't really know if I want to be an agent, but I did apply for a job last night as an intelligence analyst that goes from a 7 to a 14. 14s make really good money. Tomorrow I'm supposed to get my aggie ring. I'm really looking forward to that. It will be pretty cool to finally have it.

So I was thinking that if I can't get a pretty decent job soon, that I could go to TCC and take some more math classes and then next fall I could try to enroll in the Region XI accelerated teacher accreditation program. I need to have a 2.75 GPA on my last 60 hours of course work, well my last 60 hours of coursework happen to have been my work 60 hours so I only have a 2.323. That sucks! But hey, I have a degree. Anyways, I can make As in my math classes at TCC and that should raise my GPA. Then I should be able to get into the program.

Well I'm sitting here thinking that I need to get in the shower but I need to wait for a phone call from a lady named Pam from the Phi Sigma Pi office so that she can send me proof of membership in the society. Its a co-ed honors fraternity.

I suppose I should talk about boys. The problem is that I'm not interested in boys right now. I really don't want to be in a relationship. I mean I did just come out of a really bad one with David. Talk about possessive and jealous. He didn't even want me to see my parents because he thought that my mom would convince me to break up with him. Ironic since he is the one who dumped me. What a butthead. I'm pretty sure that one of my good friends wants to date me, his name is Garrett, but I'm not interested, I kissed him once, and he can't kiss. I'm not really interested in teaching someone how to kiss. I'm to old for that shit. He should know. Anyways, I think I'm going to check my email.